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What is Forgiveness?

Updated: Apr 2

I’m taking advantage of the month of love to press on with more topics of the heart. A lack of forgiveness can keep us in a state of exile, and I’d like to be one of the first people to welcome you back into your natural state of abundance of love and appreciation on this adventure we call being human.

Caroline Myss addresses this concept in her lecture on The Courage to Confront Evil. It’s a current read, and I resonated with the material on why we might struggle to forgive those who have hurt us. She is very clear that flowing energy to these transgressions for any amount of time is a true waste of our precious time on the earth. Allow me to nutshell you…

The Universal Law of Oneness connects us all energetically. What we say and do to ourselves, we do to others. What we say and do to others, we do to ourselves. If I am self-critical, you can bet your sweet bippy, I can and do judge you. Understanding this concept explains why we feel the energy between us. We are psychically connected. We all have this ability. When we are with others, we can rely on them to tell us what we already know. As they speak, we are instinctively weighing what they are saying against how it feels in our physical body. When their words and their intentions do not match, our body picks up on the discrepancy translating to our awareness a doubt that we cannot quite explain away.

The classic: “I didn’t mean to hurt you….”

Why is this a lie that keeps us from accepting this as their truth and offering forgiveness? When we say, “I didn’t mean to” there is the implication that we truly had no idea our words or our actions would influence another person in a negative way. The problem with this thinking is that down at its core…we did know. We had a sink or swim moment in which we thought about what we wanted or needed in the situation and chose to honor our need above everything or everyone else. I am big proponent of honoring your needs above others as you are the only one in your body with access to your thoughts and emotions and can feel your own truth. But folks…let’s not sugar coat this. When your choice is one of greed in a particular moment such as cheating on your mate…. you are choosing to satisfy your need for sexual satisfaction above all else.

Caroline emphasizes this point quite nicely by saying that it boils down to I thought about you, I realized I wanted to do this thing more and I didn’t care about you enough to make a different choice.

Intention is everything

When we know our actions will cause another pain, we are wounding on a soul level. This is a conscious decision. One way to repair the damage inflicted is to own that choice. This brings your words back into alignment as they are now matching your true intention. When you are accountable for your actions and own them energetically with your words, you are operating in integrity. Integrity is a high vibrational energy. This is the soul-to-soul place. It is here we can love and forgive each other because pain and fear cannot exist on this higher plane. In the body, the heart chakra is expanding energy up into the throat chakra making those words that vibrate from our voice box the truest words we’ve ever spoken (and heard).

“I violated our vows because my needs were more important to me than my relationship with you in that moment. I realize that I was being selfish and hurtful, and I am truly sorry that I caused you pain.” This statement lands more in the body. It doesn’t take away the pain, but it does allow the other person to be fallible, making them a human being. I may not be a person that would violate marital vows, but I can relate to you now because I have made other choices in my life that honored my needs above another with full knowledge that they would suffer. That part of me gets it and can hold compassion for you as we are now two similar beings. A part of me is now able to soften and open my heart to your apology because I no longer need to hold my stance of unforgiveness. I realize that we both want to let go of the pain we created by hurting another, and in this moment, we are getting that opportunity. When I forgive me, I hold the energy to forgive you. This is soul growth: not pretty, not easy, but none the less authentic.

Back in the fold…

Forgiveness isn’t about needing the other person to own anything in order to achieve recovery. The beauty of the spirit is that it is designed to be self-empowered. We can get stuck in unforgiveness when we choose to live in the third dimensional thinking of duality. It’s an illusion. Remember the Law of Oneness?

We can move into oneness by searching our data bank for anytime we consciously chose ourselves over another by not caring in that moment how it would impact them. If we can connect to our humanness and forgive ourselves, we can release our spirit from the pain of unforgiveness. We move our focus and intention to self-love. When I choose to love the part me that was not in integrity, I can now love you even when you operated in deceit. This is not giving them a pass. This is not staying connected to the person that makes choices that cause you pain. This is choosing to love yourself and when you heal sister, you create the energetic pathway for another to heal. That energy goes directly into a universal pot to be used to support all the people in the world that want to forgive or be forgiven.

This is also soul growth: beautiful, amazing, and full of possibility. Welcome home, baby! This place of love and acceptance is the natural dwelling of your spirit.

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