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What to Know About the Shadow Self

Updated: Apr 2


When we are born into this world we are total perfection. Everything about us is in perfect alignment with divine energy. Once we draw our first breath, we start feeling the influence of the people around us. Their energy is not more important than ours. It does, however, begin our descent down the path of disempowerment. Our fragile beings are now at the mercy of the people in our lives for better or for worse.


Eventually we all will have times in which we will have to accept that the world around us can exert power over us. Having these real-life encounters gives us the opportunity to grow and expand our spirit. These moments also do something interesting to our energy systems, they create the beginnings of the shadow self.

The shadow self is that part of us that lives in the bowels of our subconscious. It never makes an appearance in ways we can readily identify, and we almost never claim to know her, but she exists. I have an early memory in my childhood in which I was being given the what for due to my disobedience or disrespectful attitude. I was smart enough to read the room and realize speaking up would not be embraced. So, I did the next best thing, I defended my stance silently in my head. Every point was met with an excellent counterpoint (if I do say so myself) and my shadow self was born. She is that part of me that has thoughts, just not positive ones. She can be ruthless! This is not a split personality thing, but rather the part of ourselves that is capable of taking up for us in our weak moments but is not allowed to come out and play most of the time. Basically, you want her on the playground when someone takes your turn, but you will deny knowing her when your values and morals step in the room.

The reason we are giving her airtime today is that she can grow so big that she makes our lives unbearable. We do not see her as the perpetrator of course, she is too smart for that. She shows up as the people around us triggering every disempowering moment so she can take another silent piece of us to call her own. Her hope is to one day heal the dark places inside of her by bringing them into the light. This can only be done with our conscious awareness. We must honor our dark moments and understand that we are capable of what she symbolizes. That will be her crowing moment, for in that heavy energy she is set free to become whole. As we accept that part of us, we connect to our divine selves. This energy allows us to see it and accept it in others connecting them to their best selves. That does not mean we approve of their behavior; it means we can recognize that they are more than their actions. We can keep our focus on the more positive aspects of who they are, rather than what they are demonstrating in the moment. We are all capable of being manipulative and ruthless. It is just easier to separate our thoughts about those people than it is to voice the times we moved with those intentions ourselves. Let’s discover her, shall we? *Say (with a straight face) “I love myself as I am.” What thoughts come into your mind next? I am willing to bet any place in your psyche that you disapprove of yourself. *What person in your life irritates you the most and why? Now look in the mirror. Have you ever done anything remotely similar? You can answer this one silently. *What situations bring out the worst in you? Why? Did you just catch a glimpse of her out of the corner of your eye?

If you are striving to be more spiritual in your life, she will up the ante. She wants you to claim her and appreciate her power. As you do, you grow your love for all the parts of your being, and you can now love others in this nonjudgmental way. She keeps you humble with both feet on the ground, which is safer than sitting on your high horse all the time. Your appreciation of her and her shifty skill set connects you to your higher self, which is a part of source energy. In fact, I can hear her humming this little ditty right now and I love it! Join me? She looks good (looked good), she looks fine (looked fine), she looked good she looked fine, and I nearly lost my mind…Yeah you do sista!






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