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The Crush and Covert Agreements

Updated: Apr 2

I believe that when we have an interaction with another person there is a little bit for you and a little bit for me in terms of an opportunity for growth. However, the exchange is often not equitable with regards to where we each are on our individual soul journey.

What do I mean by that? Typically, an exchange happens for us both to evolve, but usually one person can see life from a larger perspective. This is by design, and we describe this phenomenon as “being the bigger person.” Being the bigger person does NOT mean taking one for the team. It means we can see that the person we are interacting with is fragile or playing small. Instead of engaging with them in a battle of wills, the bigger person will detach from the situation so that both people can transform their limiting beliefs. Let’s take a gander at the energy behind a familiar situation we’ve all been on both sides of…the crush.

Hopelessly devoted to you When I am romantically or sexually attracted to another person, I can connect myself energetically to them if they are open to my advances. I do this in their lower chakras. The lower chakras are related to the practical matters of life including the physical body. The second chakra known as the sacral chakra governs our sexuality and emotional state. My connection to them will grow stronger each time we are together if I am allowed to connect into their energetic body in this way. This creates a false belief in me that we have something more than ordinary friendship. Allowing in this sense means that they are not stopping me by addressing their discomfort with my attention or affection as this might feel good to them. They might like that I find them attractive, and after all they aren’t doing anything to encourage my behavior …or are they? Taking the high road From a higher perspective, knowing that I feel this way is being involved in this energetic dynamic. It is a covert agreement that now binds me to them on an energetic level. This, ladies, is what we sense when our guy is being pursued by another woman and he claims to have no control over her feelings. Yes, he is correct. He cannot control how she feels, but if he uses her energy to satisfy his ego needs, he is complicit in the exchange. We are all intuitive and can feel when we are vibing with one another. It doesn’t mean anyone is physically cheating, it simply means they have an unspoken agreement that they will exchange energy in this way believing they are not causing harm. Is it harmless? I would have to say from a larger perspective, emphatically no. Anytime we know that we are out of integrity it is always our responsibility to move back into alignment. We are out of integrity when we know someone cares deeply for us and we know that we will never return that affection to them and we continue to relate to them in the same way. Why would we do this? Because it feels good to have other people find us desirable! Yeah, we still got it! It’s not a bad thing to appreciate another’s beauty. It can become tainted when feelings get involved. We are creating a symbiotic relationship that is parasitic in nature as one person will eventually pick up the emotional tab.

Learning the hard way When someone is crushing on you, they don’t have to look deep within themselves and question why they do not attract a more equitable romantic relationship. They can continue to plug into you when its’s convenient and because deep down they know they can never be with you, they never have to take any risks. This is how they believe they can keep their heart safe. Ultimately, we understand as souls that intimate relationships offer us the greatest chance for expansion because these are the relationships that we choose to be a part of. By exercising our choice from the beginning, we are attempting to create a partnership that allows both people to get their needs met. Opening your heart to love feels risky because it requires you to be vulnerable. In a dynamic where one person wants a deeper connection than the other, they often sacrifice their needs in order to keep the connection. A true partnership will always take both people’s needs into account in order to nurture a healthy union.

Taking off your energetic speedo While we cannot determine how another person feels or behaves, we can control how we react to them. Exploring why you would allow this attachment in the beginning is always a powerful place to begin to transform it. What do they offer you that you enjoy? Do you want that affection or attention from them? How can you fill your own void? Once you understand how you agreed to the covert exchange, you have the power to shift the energy between you to a healthier dynamic. Setting clear boundaries is a great place to start. Sometimes it will not be enough, and you might have to end the relationship if the other person is unwilling to participate in a new way. Being the bigger person here means that deep down you see that they are worthy of someone who will give to them all the love and support they deserve. It is understanding that taking their affection with no intention of returning it is wounding them over and over, causing their self-esteem to plummet. This is where your conscience will alert you if how you are participating is serving the highest and best for both people. If you feel awkward at all about the energy between you, you know what needs to be done.

Putting on your energetic burqa Oneness is recognizing that we are all connected energetically. What I do to you, I do to me. When I use your emotional vulnerability to feed my ego, I hurt you, but I also hurt myself. If I am using you to validate my worthiness, I am not doing my own work to find my value. Now I am emotionally dependent on you! If I truly care about you as a person, I will honor where you are on your journey. I realize that you might not believe yourself to be worthy of being loved and appreciated as you are if you are willing to accept secret glances or small gestures, when you deserve grand gestures with fanfare! I will show you with my body language, my words, and my actions that I have no intention of leading you on. I do this for me, but also for you. By choosing not to fill your void, I offer you your freedom. I believe you can have all that you desire, it just will not come through me. As I hold this higher vision for you, I give you access to this new possibility. I do this because I realize that I will be confused and lose my way from time to time in my life, and that the universe will bring me a wayshower that will help me find clarity that matches my energy. When I act with integrity, I draw to me integrous people.

A crush can shatter our heart and our self-worth into pieces. As we hold awareness around our intentions, we can begin to sift through those pieces and keep the ones that honor all involved. No matter which side of the crush you might find yourself on, use it as an opportunity to shift into a higher place. It can be a beautiful exchange of energy that keeps us all growing, learning and transforming this planet one person and one heart at a time.

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