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How Do Our Endings Allow Us To Begin Anew?

Updated: Apr 2

This is the week of the spring equinox and with it comes a time of rebirth and renewal. Endings that left us in the void during the winter, created that space for us to reflect on all the ways in which we diminished ourselves so that we could begin the process of unfolding from a new point of view. How do our endings allow us to begin anew?



 David Schnarch in his book Passionate Marriage refers to gridlock as a point in your relationship in which you are no longer willing to compromise on your needs, values or integrity. It is the place in any relationship where we put our heels down and know if we do not speak up for ourselves, we will forever be silenced in that dynamic. He notes that when we differentiate, we can sometimes lose sight of the delicate balance of our individuality and our desire for togetherness.


I think back to my marriage ending and my having to come to terms with what I wanted and needed in a relationship and what that relationship could offer me. We were unable to come through gridlock as a couple, so we ended. This happens with relationships of all sorts, not with just those people with whom we intimately dance. We struggle as we start the process of gridlock, not knowing where it is going to take us. In fact, we cannot imagine that it will lead us to the make-or-break moment that it does. Oddly as Schnarch points out in his book, it is rarely a volatile moment. It is a time when both participants get quiet because they know that what they are experiencing is very important and the survival of the relationship is dependent on what happens next. This is a moment that we hear the calm voice inside of us whisper, now or never and we realize we cannot go back to being the person who rationalizes betraying our true selves any longer.



There are respiratory mechanics that keep our apparatus alive that we never have to think about. We take in what we need and release what we don’t about twelve to eighteen times per minute. We never think oh no I can’t let go of that last breath! I need it! I must hold on to it for longer than my body is telling me to!  That’s ludicrous! We trust that more air is available. What if we applied that awareness to other areas of our lives? What if we trusted that letting go of something that no longer inspires passion and creativity in our world can create an opening that we can breathe new life into?  



Endings of all kinds can be scary, but following closely on the heels of that death is a rebirth. We can become so afraid of what the new looks like that we consider settling for the old way of being even though we know that we are not that person anymore. We wonder what happened?  Well, the energetics of it is that we shifted into a new vibration. We have changed realities. We thought about living in a new place, working a new job, or imagined a new lover for a considerable amount of time, and those imaginative musings are no longer foreign to us.  What once seemed impossible is starting to actually feel possible. We are becoming that new energy and the universe, matching our frequency, gives us new people and places to explore in equal measure.


If we think back we can see that over the course of months or years we started making changes that would support our letting go. In my past, my husband and I bought a second home the last few years of our marriage. I primarily managed that property, so our power bills were put in my name alone which enabled me to establish a credit history. I did not realize it at the time, but slowly I was building a life outside of my marriage, and when the time came for it to end, I was ready.  I spent more and more of my energy thinking about who Sabrina Matheny was and what she wanted and less time on how I could appease my partner. That was my core vibration waking up and claiming her sovereignty. Yes, we all have a signature vibration and in life we often mask it to fit into the world around us. But at some point we will be unable to continue the charade. We eventually have to be ourselves and when that happens if there is a disparity in that frequency between that person and the real you, they notice the change. It is their reaction to that shift that often precipitates the journey into gridlock.



Although it rarely feels that way, these opportunities are the universe’s way of helping us to course correct. We are now more familiar with our true vibration at this point, and we realize we must decide if we can reconcile the discrepancies or if we must choose which life we want to live. That can look like disruptions in relationships, careers and finances. Nothing is off limits to your higher self. She will take it all to get your attention, because she has been with you waiting for your moment of gridlock to set you free.


Use the experience as a tool of investigation. What is it teaching you about your dreams and your perceived limitations? Is there more you want to live and need to explore in your life? Endings can be sad, but they can also be thought of as a point in time where we can choose to become that person we always wanted to be and live that life instead. Finding ways to practice that new vibration is the path to creating that new reality.


Gridlock in relationships does not mean that the relationship will end. It does guarantee that the way you have been participating in it will. And if it is indeed something that needs to continue it becomes an opportunity for not only you but also the other person rise up and claim their individuality as well. Life is always about making choices, and as individuals we want to make ones that support our growth and well-being. Trust your body’s rhythm. Release your attachment to other people’s agendas and illuminate the dark spaces within. On the other side of gridlock, you will discover a person that you can face in the mirror who does not walk on eggshells because you realize that you do not have to fit in in order to belong.


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